Are You Faking It At Work?
To really advance, ditch the mask. #NoDisguises
About that old “fake-it-til-you-make-it” chestnut: no bueno.
Sure, powering through a meeting by pretending you’re not getting the flu may help you win a pitch. But faking the bigger stuff at work — pretending you can handle what you can’t, pretending something didn’t affect you when it did, pretending you agree when you don’t, worst of all, pretending you’re happy — these can really, really take their toll.
Just to give you an example. My time as a lawyer went something like this. Wake up, put on lawyer costume. Go to New York when I hate to travel, especially alone. Sit in a room full of boxes looking for a smoking gun until it gets cold and dark. Buy a green juice. Return to hotel. Assume fetal position. Cry. Never, ever complain. Oh, and then get this in my review: “Of all the junior litigators, Rachel is the most naturally suited to litigation.” Uh huh. Cry some more.
Once I took the big leap of quitting the law, an entire profession I’d trained for, and years later left a vertical I loved with leaders I personally care for, I became a lot more clear and vocal about who I am, what I want, what I do well, and what treatment I’m ok and not ok with. I stopped faking it. Honor Code was built around that idea, and it was the door to my being really happy in my career.
With this month at Honor Code focused on #NoDisguises, I wondered why it took me so damn long to be myself professionally, and so I asked an expert: Why do we fake it?
Maria Luisa Victoria is a clinical psychologist who often advises professionals at all levels. “I think people often fake it because they may be disconnected from their own experience or because they think that adapting to the situation, even when it does not fit, is what is expected of them or will make them a valuable employee,” she says.
Sound familiar? Many of us grow up with the “suck it up” mentality. You know, grab some sac, be a ballplayer, etc. Compound that with the fact that we don’t always realize what our true value is because it’s not necessarily recognized within our company. It may be that a business in fact doesn’t value that skill set — or it may be that they just aren’t aware of it.
Regarding the second part of that thought, I go back to when I was in PR. The agency had never employed anyone with a background or skill package quite like mine. Its leaders were smart and saw that I brought value to the table, but it was up to me to carve out my role. I started out as an account person — total misfit — and lobbied to be a writer and idea specialist. Neither were openings they’d ever had. By the time I left I was Creative Director (their first), and my work included creating a speaking panel for the agency, crafting RFP responses, conceiving campaigns, strategizing new coverage avenues, and crafting bylines. Every year I’d say, “This is where I think I can bring value. This is what I think the right title should be.” And they listened. (I’ll never forget that.)
If you’re not clear about who you are and what you want, you don’t give a workplace a chance to value what you naturally love and excel in. “Being authentic makes it more likely that employees will find a match between their strengths and interests and the tasks they engage in,” says Maria. “For example, pretending to be an extrovert when one is not makes it more likely that the person will be given tasks that require interacting with others.”
Then there’s the Sunday Scaries problem. When you get more and more detached from the role you’re playing at work, you become less and less seen, and the ground beneath you feels shaky. “Being inauthentic can lead to symptoms like anxiety and unhealthy behaviors,” Maria explains, “since the person’s underlying feelings and values may be overlooked in order to fit into the situation or work demand.”
You can start to feel really alone. And you can distance others who eventually see that something feels not quite right, that you’re not confident or not real. Says Maria, “It is harder to connect to someone who is inauthentic since, by definition, they are not forthcoming with who they really are — making it harder for people to collaborate with them effectively, and less likely that they will be leaders and influence colleagues.”
So what can you do about it? Apart from, say, going full on Tom Cruise Jerry Maguire manifesto up in the place, there are small, meaningful inroads you can start immeditely.
Take inventory. Make an honest list of all the things you like to do in your role and do well. And also make an honest list of all the things you don’t like to do, things that give you angst, and things you just don’t think you’re any good at.
Ask yourself whether the things you’re good at are valuable at your company. Financially valuable. If they are, you have leverage. They want you to keep doing them. Work from a realization that doing what you love and are good at has value.
Speak up. When given a project you dread, Maria suggests trying an honest statement like this one: “I know you really want me to do X, and that it’s important for our project. But I was thinking it would make sense for me to focus on Y, since I do my best work when Z.” Badass! Straightforward!
Use a #NoDisguises starter: Sometimes just starting a sentence by being honest about your fears can be helpful — and actually establish a bond that makes you more, not less valued and likable. Try “Just to be completely transparent, I’m going to take this on because I know it’s important, but this isn’t where I think my value lies.” Or, “I want to be totally honest, I worry a little about XX. It’s not my strongest suit. There are so many areas where I add more value.”
Outsource your fears. You can’t decide not to do the things you hate without a plan to get them done. Come up with solutions. Find out who wants to do those things. Find and cost freelance help. Ask to set a timeline for when these things can come off your list.
Write your own aspirational positioning statement. Imagine you’re a business, and write your positioning statement. The 3 elements are the for (who you do it for), the what (what exactly you do) and the why, not necessarily in that order. For example “I boost the bottom line for retail innovators by finding creative approaches to merchandising.” Use it to remind yourself where your focus and value lie, moving closer to doing exactly that with every move you make inside and outside the company where you are now.
Do one thing. Instead of dropping the mask in one big flameout moment, just do one thing every day to be more authentic. One moment of saying how you really feel (or even saying nothing) rather than automatically agreeing, for example. Just one thing, daily, will build some momentum. And the payback, even in the smallest true statement, is instant.