Person of Honor: Frederique Gilan-Huneeus
“Do I contradict myself? So I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes.” It’s a Walt Whitman quote. And it’s a brawny, some say cocky one. But to me, the people who really embody it most aren’t brawny or cocky at all. They’re jugglers, they’re multifaceted, they’re whole realized people like you and me.
How about this for a master juggle? Frederique Gilan-Huneeus is a finance lawyer (whose work took her Tokyo, London and now Hong Kong), wife, a mother of two, a friend, an art and fashion lover … and breast cancer survivor. She is “passionate about integrity, thinking positively, cultivating lightness in life and of course collecting (and wearing) Céline by Phoebe Philo pieces.” This is where I first encountered her, in my fashion-heavy (but so much more) instagram feed.
I thought her story was so inspiring and would inspire all of you, so I asked if she’d share it.
HCC: So I am taking a big inhale as I ask it. How did you initially make your breast cancer discovery?
FGH: 2014 New Year’s Resolution. One that I kept. I had felt a continuing, sharp and acute pain on the side on my left breast for a little while and although I did not feel any lump it did seem a bit off. I have a breast cancer family history … I had skipped my annual mammogram the year before and felt rather guilty about it.
HCC: And then what happened?
FGH: I went to the imaging center on a Saturday morning, a look at the technician’s face and I knew the weekend would not be as relaxing as expected. A few days later I had a biopsy done, then a full body PET scan, the C-word was quickly mentioned and next thing I knew we were talking about scheduling a double mastectomy for the following week. My cancer was invasive and spreading fast. I quickly took a second opinion and before I even had the time to fully realize, I was lying down on an operation table in Hong Kong not knowing exactly what the future would be holding for me. I did not cry, I got everything organized extremely efficiently as if it were a work situation or something happening to somebody else. I was not brave, I was acting strong because I had no choice, I could only fight to win.
HCC: Will you talk about that first journey?
FGH: The operation went well, I had a reconstruction done at the same time (which had to be redone a few months later), it was followed by courses of chemo and hormonotherapy. In spite of that tsunami I was in good spirits most of the time throughout the treatments. I was able to take sick leave for most of them. Being able to keep my positive outlook was an invaluable. This said, I am not a superwoman either, I had ups and downs, there were days where I was exhausted, weak, sometimes I felt I had enough, but during all these months of treatments, I wanted to stay close to my family and friends, I wanted them to see and understand that I was not only a sick person, I certainly had cancer, this was a fact and it was part of my life at that moment, but I did not stop being me and being alive.
HCC: How did you find people responded?
FGH: Cancer is a pretty scary thing and often people are not too sure how they should talk to you and treat you, they pity you and fear for themselves at the same time realizing that we are all mere mortals. I wanted to remove all the pathos, the drama, the fear: I was the same old me with fake boobs, a shiny bald head and a huge battle to win.
HCC: What did you find helpful?
FGH: I was determined not to let the disease isolate me, physically or psychologically, and to stay connected with others and with myself. It really does not help to be reminded all the time how hard and terrible it is. I found my daily boost of morale and confidence in staying stylish, being creative with my looks, putting makeup on and getting dressed every day. This helped me stay myself whilst at the same time, I was learning to live in this new body of mine, to treat it well, to accept it and to love it too, which was quite a task!.I had the same visible side effects from treatments as others (with cancer we all tend to look the same) but I did not let them get to me. I had cancer, I was not cancer and I was not going to let it define me, even for a period of time. Obviously, cancer was never part of my life plan, so I chose the way to live with it, to live through it as it was the only thing I could influence. My oncologist once asked me where I was going “dressed like that” just after receiving my chemo. It was a cause of concern for him, I was wasting my time and my precious energy on unimportant and irrelevant things. The same things that were exactly what I needed to feel alive, to keep my dignity, my femininity, to bring some lightness and to continue to have a social life, all of which were essential to me. I simply needed to do it on my own terms and in my own style. To build the strengths I needed. For me and for my loved ones.
HCC: And you made it. But then it came back.
FGH: I went back to work full time pretty soon after the end of my treatments, with hindsight it was perhaps too soon and too much of a “full time” to be honest. Two years later, I was starting to feel less tired and ready to move forward, and was on my way to India on a business trip when I noticed that this nasty sharp and acute pain was back in my left axilla. And it did not stop. I could not believe it, panic, stress, name it, I was totally overwhelmed. I called my surgeon who booked me in for an appointment on the next Saturday morning just after I landed in Hong Kong. He gave me the “keep calm and breathe” talk. And he did an ultrasound. When he got to “the” area, after a few long minutes, he looked at me and said “in order to be sure and stay on the safe side, I would like to do a biopsy.A few days later, I was told the cancer was back. The treatments did not work the first time round.
HCC: What was different the second time?
FGH: A different course of chemo, radiotherapy sessions and more hormonotherapy were on the menu. The worst thing about going through it a second time is that you somewhat know what to expect and your awareness that cancer is a life-threatening condition is severely heightened. I joined a support group in Hong Kong, it was fantastic to meet women who understood what I was going through. I also got to connect with other sick women through social media. Very quickly people started asking me advice about turbans, hats, and style more generally. A lot of women, especially the younger ones, are focused on beauty, at that time I was identified as the one who could help on the fashion and style front.
HCC: I love following your unique style and confident celebration of life on instagram.
FGH: That’s how I started an Instagram account, I named it “cancerfashionalistic”, as it was very important for me to put those two words, cancer and fashion, together. I did not want to talk about cancer like in a blog, I did not really want to give any advice, I just wanted to show my "looks of the day", from the simplest to the craziest ones. I was also posting photos of women wearing turbans with gusto and other images reflecting my inspirations as well as my mood and spirit.
HCC: You bravely put yourself out there.
FGH: I was not particularly comfortable with the idea of exposing myself in that way but I guess cancer makes you jump out of your comfort zone and in the circumstances I was willing to do it. Because it made me happy, it was taking my focus away from the disease as I was having fun doing this with and in spite of cancer. It was also a great way to keep in touch with my close friends, including those who live miles away. The fact that they saw me every day, that I was coming to them, made communication easier, it gave them strength too. We could spare the small talks, there was no elephant in the room, they could remain natural and we could enjoy the simple pleasure of discussing and sharing.I also aimed at spreading a positive message using a universal language. Images, a smile (as much as possible!) and humor.
HCC: What do you want individuals with breasts (since I think it’s not just women!) to take away from your story and from this awareness month?
FGH: Self-examination is critical for men and women; the more you practice it the easiest it will be to notice if something is a bit off or different from the previous time. Regular screening is also highly recommended and to be discussed with your doctor but the first line of defence is self-examination. Do it once a month, if you follow me on Instagram (@lafredtouch), you will be reminded to do it on the first day of each month. Trust your body and listen to it, the signals I got were clear and loud and I was lucky I listened and had the confidence to force my doctors to trust me. It could happen to anyone, irrespective of gender, lifestyle, diet, age, density of breasts, family history etc.
HCC: Side note - your collection of Old Celine is fabulous. Is that why you love her work so much?
FGH: The first pieces I bought were a pair of grey pants and a white shirt from the 2010 Fall collection, when I relocated from London to Hong Kong for work and wanted a few “corporate with a twist (a lot of personality)” pieces to start my new job in style. So why do I love Céline by Phoebe Philo so much? Because the collections offer real clothes for real life which say something about the woman wearing them. From the very first collections, Phoebe’s proposal of apparent simplicity was very new and modern, she took us on a journey, where we grew with her prints, her color palette, her language, her constructions and her use of fur and technical fabrics, all these revolutionized “fashion”. Each collection challenged conventions and expectations. The Céline universe was (and still is) very special and timeless, with a strong sense of humor and fun in her aesthetic, something along the lines of “I don’t have to take myself too seriously because I can.”
HCC: Phoebe Philo is also a brave, whip smart and fearless woman.
FGH: I’ve always described it using contradictory (but, in this case, complementary) adjectives: fashion but not fashionable, structured and relaxed, cerebral and sensual, subtle and provocative, architectural and comfortable, fearless and desirable, avant-garde and refined, minimalist and exuberant, etc. I see it as a part of my communication tools. I wear Céline by Phoebe Philo for myself, not for anyone else.