Person(s) of Honor: Dom and Allyson Gunn
(by Jack Tuttle, HCC intern)
I have known Dom for a long time. Ever since he worked with my mom at Rue La La, starting when I was 3 (in 2006). One memory I have with Dom is when I was young and held my hand up next to Dom's arm and said “We’re the same! He’s like me!” (I’m Korean; he’s Black.)
First I knew him as my mom's friend and co-worker and the next thing I know, he is in my house working out with my mom. (Dom is a UX designer who has also explored fitness and personal training.) It always seemed like he was having fun while working, playing, or just hanging out. He met and married Allyson, who is currently working to get her graduate degree at University of Denver. Allyson previously worked at Crossroads, an organization that supports and mentors young people as they become economically independent citizens, socially responsible leaders, and emotionally connected adults. Now Dom and Allyson are living in Colorado with two children, one biological and one who is adopted and is also Black.
I thought this family would be very interesting to interview because they are a biracial couple with children of color, Dom is in a creative field, and Allyson has worked with mission-based organizations.
Honor Code Creative: Being a Black man, how do you feel the issues in the news have more deeply affected you?
Dom: Before these events I wasn’t entirely on board with Black Lives Matter. I didn’t get what it meant. Did it mean that Black lives mattered more than gay lives, for instance? Was this a movement for Blacks that were angry and wanted reparations? I’m not an angry person, and as for reparations, I don’t need anything given to me that I didn’t earn. It didn’t make sense for me to support BLM. Because of the recent events, I’ve learned that BLM is not saying that Black lives matter more than White or blue lives. I get that Blacks want to be seen as equals as opposed to lesser beings. I get that some Blacks have suffered terribly simply because of the shade of the rainbow they were given. So to answer your question, I feel sad, and angry mostly at the people leading the country but more than that I feel educated. I feel motivated. I feel ready to help.
HCC: How did attending a march feel?
Dom: Marching made me feel like I was in a small way contributing to the fight for equality for everyone, not just Black, Browns but everyone who’s ever been discriminated against. It’s time we’re all perceived as equal no matter our age, hair texture, accent, social status etc. In the past when events like this took place, I had a hundred excuses as to why I couldn’t be bothered. I was too busy, my kids needed me home, or it’s just not my fight to fight. This time I want in. I want a seat at the table to share my points of view. I want to be counted as another person who’s trying to make the world a better place for everyone.
During the march, we were all in the middle of the highway lying face down, hands behind our backs for 9 minutes, chanting “I can’t breathe.” A moment I’ll remember forever. I tried to put myself in George’s shoes, thinking is there anything else he could have possibly done to get the police to let up. He called for his mother. He said he could not breathe. He peed on himself. There’s nothing else George could have done. I quickly came to realize: were it me lying on the ground, I would be dead too.
Another thing I’ll never forget is that there were maybe 25% Brown people and all the rest were not people of color, screaming, chanting, singing, and praying for equality. And that was a beautiful thing.
HCC: Being a designer, do you think you can express your feelings through your work?
Dom: Yes. But I’m not big on communicating my feelings. One of my goals this summer is to find a creative way to express my feelings to further the movement.
HCC: How do you plan on expressing yourself?
Dom: Late summer I plan to start a podcast called Chasing Fear. I have yet to finalize all the details, including the topics I’d like to cover but it’s slowly coming together.
HCC: What has had the biggest effect on making change?
Dom: I can't say one thing had the biggest effect. It’s more of a collection. Unfortunately, humans tend not to change unless there’s enough pain forcing us to. We don’t stretch until our bodies are experiencing pain. We decide to quit smoking when the pain of watching loved ones die scares us into [it]. We only change our diets and lifestyle when the doctor gives us a painful diagnosis. In my opinion, the reason we’re beginning to change as a society now is because of the pain caused by all the recent events. Without those events, life would continue on as usual.
HCC: What's your biggest fear after the discussion dies down?
Dom: That if and when the discussions die down I will also lower my voice. I can’t control if the rest of the world goes back to normal. I can't control if some people never accept the change that's happening as we speak. But what I can control is what I say and do. What I can control are the conversations I choose to have. What I can control is if I do my part to keep the discussions going.
HCC: Being a web designer, do you think there is a way that web design can be used to promote change?
Dom: Absolutely! The web is the fastest tool for communicating with large, diverse, populations around the globe. And with the spread of COVID at least for the next year most people will be at home engaging with the world via their smartphone or laptop. The web is the ultimate platform to promote change, but I think many people are searching for exactly how.
HCC: How has being in a biracial marriage and raising children of color affected you through these times?
Dom: If you were to tell Stella [ed note: his biological child] that she’s part Black, she would deny it. And multiple times a month Nevaeh tells Allyson that she (Allyson) doesn’t like kids that are Nevaeh’s color. And that we only adopted her to trick her. So what’s happening in the world is bringing our family together by forcing us to continue having necessary conversations. We let the kids watch the news and explain what they’re seeing.
HCC: What adversity have you faced if any as a Black creative?
Dom: To my memory I have not faced any adversity as a Black creative. Perhaps it's because I’ve lived/worked in the North East primarily. Or maybe it’s because I’m a shade of brown that is more “acceptable.” Or maybe it’s pure luck. Whatever the reason, I haven’t experienced much adversity. In the future I hope that does not stop me from fighting for other people who have.
“I can’t control if the rest of the world goes back to normal. I can’t control if some people never accept the change that’s happening as we speak. But what I can control is what I say and do.”
Allyson
Honor Code Creative: How has being in a biracial marriage and being a mother of children of color affected you recently?
Allyson: I think being in a biracial marriage and a mom of children of color affects me all the time; it’s just a bit more magnified right now. While I have always tried to reflect on my place and my privilege as a White woman mothering Black and biracial children, I think this space we are in now reminds me and pushes me to stay uncomfortable, to not become complacent, and it has placed me in a space where I am far more aware of how much work I will continue to need to do as my daughters grow, in order to be as much of a support for them as possible, and to work to ensure their lives are seen as valuable as mine.
HCC: What has been the toughest challenge?
Allyson: Feeling paralyzed. Feeling like there is so much to do, that it is so big, so all encompassing that I don’t know where to begin. And then it’s not letting that feeling stop me from taking another step forward.
HCC: What do you find useful when expressing your views and feelings?
Allyson: I read, a lot. Sometimes there are words, videos, songs, voices that can express what I am feeling better than I can. Having those quotes, ideas, and facts as back up can be helpful. I also try to think about how engaging with others who have differing opinions than you, or calling someone out for being offensive or biased, that you should stay centered on you, and the steps you're taking by engaging to develop and grow, versus focusing on trying to change the person you're engaging with. This re-centering on myself and my growth make the conversation feel less weighted, if that makes sense.
HCC: How does this affect your studies?
Allyson: Most of the work I’ve been doing as I prepare to write my dissertation has centered on critical theory and examining the systems and structures within higher education that marginalize and oppress. So, from a studies standpoint, this current world we live in has allowed me to dive even deeper into those understandings, and examine them as inequities in access to education during a pandemic, in a lack of understanding privilege by faculty during a time of trauma for their students.
“...My whole purpose of pursuing my doctorate is to impact the systemic racism preventing students of color from accessing and persisting in higher education at the rates of their white peers.”
Personally, the work has been harder to continue to slog through. I find myself feeling like there are more pertinent issues to focus on What I try to do in those moments is remember that my whole purpose of pursuing my doctorate is to impact the systemic racism preventing students of color from accessing and persisting in higher education at the rates of their white peers. I made the choice to step into this fight many years ago. I just have to remind myself that for me, the work has always been a marathon, even when everyone else starts to sprint.
HCC: What was your biggest takeaway from attending a march?
Allyson: For me, attending the march was my reminder of who this is all about - the young people who will take the torch from us. The protest we attended was run by high school students. Being there and watching them create such a powerful moment re-energized me in a way that I didn’t even realize I needed.
HCC: How does having experience at Crossroads shape your point of view?
Allyson: Crossroads is a powerful place for young people to grow and lead. I have learned more from the participants of Crossroads about life, connection and relationships than I will ever learn from other adults. It has impacted my worldview tremendously, particularly as I have come to know how different my experiences have been in comparison to the young people I’ve worked with.
HCC: Where does your desire to make a difference come from?
Allyson: That’s a tough one! I think it’s always been in me, and it was something my parents nurtured from when I was very young. I have been so fortunate to have the life I have, I feel like it’s important to support others in achieving their dreams as well, even when the cards are stacked against them.
HCC: Have you been informing your children about what’s happening? How?
Allyson: We’ve been trying to, yes. We took them with us to the protest, so they could understand how people are trying to make a difference. We’ve tried to talk through the things that happen. Some of it they understand, some of it they don’t. It will continue to be a big part of how we parent them as they grow. Waiting to show them the world will only support their growing up with a muted or narrow understanding, which as we can see, isn’t helping anyone.
HCC: What's your biggest fear after the discussion dies down?
Allyson: That nothing will really change. That 20 years from now my children will be doing the same things we are currently to try and change the world.
HCC: What do you hope changes?
Allyson: All of it. Just about everything. I hope it all gets peeled apart, from our inner understandings to the biggest systems and structures of government. And then I hope we put it back together in a way that brings a whole new meaning to the word justice.